My first exposure to Fixer. Flower's voice is a bit shrill, but the instrumental is lovely, and I love nuyuri's use of swing-esque tunes. The lyrics captured me instantly. I wouldn't call this the best version of the song, but it does have a nostalgic quality to it. |
Nuyuri's self-cover of Fixer. I love when composers are able to cover their own songs, and Nuyuri did it so well. It is slightly different from the original, with the way the sound melts and changes in the beginning to a different key, and I love it; it is still one of my favorite versions of Fixer, and I feel that Nuyuri was able to convey the emotion within the lyrics well. The difference in art from the original is also very interesting; the original has it so that it's like the watcher is the one sitting at the other end of the table facing the 'demon', but in Nuyuri's cover, we view the long table from the side, as if we're merely an observer. All the other chairs that were placed along the table are missing there, as well; instead, they are torn apart on the floor. The curtain, which was full in the original, is ragged and ripped in the cover. It's as if the cover is post-realization, after awakening to what one is; realizing the true state of one's surroundings and self, and the ruins one is either inhabiting or has made for oneself. |
Fixer
Introduction
Fixer (フィクサー) is a song by Nuyuri (ぬゆり, also known as nulut) that released on March 22nd, 2017. It was originally sung by the Vocaloid vFlower, though a self-cover by Nuyuri himself has been released as well. Its intro features a clip from the launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery, which was first launched into space in 1984, but the song itself has no obvious references to space. (However, given the theme of the song, you could say that the shuttle being named "Discovery" is significant here!)
As soon as I first heard Fixer, and read its lyrics, I connected with it immensely. It felt like the story unraveling in the song was a chronology of my life; of what had happened, was happening, and was to come. As with most songs, its lyrics can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways; of a liar realizing the pit they've dug themselves into, of someone suffering from depression, of someone hopeless and dependent. But my interpretation of the lyrics tied in very closely with my life and what I was feeling at the time, which made my connection with Fixer immense, and it has remained one of the most important songs in the world to me since.
I used to create covers of songs, though I was very bad at it both due to my own lack of ability and the trouble I had with mixing. Nevertheless, it has been a dream of mine to someday cover Fixer, and put all my effort into it, so I can properly thank it for having been with me all this time. I cannot believe that it only released in 2017; it feels like it has been with me forever.
Lyrics
Fixer currently has two available translations: Hazuki no Yume's original translation, archived on Genius, and MML!opinions!Fun!Chocolate!'s translation, currently on the Vocaloid Lyrics wiki.
However, as Fixer is an incredibly important song to me, I also wished to translate it myself, so my third take on the translation is below.
| 今日までの記憶の全部を消してしまう時まで眠れない | I can’t sleep until I’ve erased every memory I’ve had until today |
| あしたから生きていく自分の身代わりが欲しくて堪らない | It’s unbearable how much I wish for someone to take my place in life starting tomorrow |
| 大丈夫と言わせて 後から君のせいにさせてはくれないか | If you say it’s okay, it’s fine if all the blame falls on you later, right? |
| 今更意味ないから後から君のせいにさせてはくれないか | At this point, there’s nothing I can do, so it’s fine if all the blame falls on you later, right? |
| 出来ない約束を | All the promises I couldn’t keep |
| とうとうと溢れる一言一言ばかりに脳を奪われるくらい | Are just empty words finally reaching the point of overflow, to the point where I can’t think about anything else |
| 意味を成せない 何も出来ない | There’s no point to it, I can’t do anything |
| 見えない 逃げたい 飛びたい やめたい 逸らせない | I can’t see a way out, I want to flee, escape, abandon everything, I can’t get away- |
| だから | So |
| 沈め | Drown me, |
| 沈め | Drown me, |
| 這い上がれないほどまで | Until I can’t crawl my way back to the surface. |
| 飽きるまで | Until you get sick of it, |
| 落とせ | Drop me, |
| 落とせ | Drop me, |
| 救い垂らす時まで | Until you wish to dangle salvation before me. |
| 嘘味の粒々を喉から締め出した悲鳴ごと嚙み砕く | Grinding every one of those lie-tainted screams into grains and expelling them from my throat |
| 笑顔が下手なばっかで 知ったような口ぶりに沿ってやり過ごす | Letting conversations pass by, wearing an awkward smile and speaking the only way I know how to |
| なりたくなかった | I didn’t want to turn out like this. |
| 今日役立つ眠たい眠たい理想で救われることを待つ | Today too I merely wait to be saved, with my sleepy, sleepy ideal of being useful |
| 一番目は「い」の口で言う | Say the first one with a wide smile |
| 力 強く 固く 痛く 噛み締めて | Biting down onto your lip strongly, firmly, painfully, with all your might |
| 死んでしまえ しまえ | Just die, die |
| この先も過去も知らず 嫌いなら | Without a care for the past or future. If you hate it, |
| 壊せ | Just destroy it |
| 壊せ | Destroy it |
| どうせなら加害者になればいい | May as well become the perpetrator. |
| 食べきれない苛立ちも何も生まない悲しみも | With endless frustration and a sadness that will fix nothing |
| 味気なくて吐き出す前に | Before those wretched feelings spill from your lips |
| もう | Just |
| もう | Just |
| 次を歌え | Sing your next tune. |
| どうせなら | You may as well |
| 踊り踊れ | Dance your little dance |
| 灰色になり切る前に 打ち鳴らせ | Before you become completely dull. Let it ring |
| 変われ 変われ | Change, change |
| 眠り落ちる時まで | Until you fall asleep |
| どうせなら | You may as well |
| 奪え 奪え | Take it, take it all |
| 飼い慣らした嘘暴いて | Expose all these lies I’ve been holding close |
| 煮え滾る頭に過ぎった虚像を見ていた | What I was seeing flash through my feverish mind was a pretense |
| 自分を見ていた | I was seeing myself. |
Translation Discussion
There are multiple points in the translation that could be discussed to have multiple interpretations. With song lyrics often being as vague as they are, not telling a clear story, it can be helpful to look at the text in multiple ways without assuming one absolute meaning.
• 落とせ, while literally meaning drop, could also refer to being left or abandoned in this context. You could interpret 飽きるまで / 落とせ / 落とせ / 救い垂らす時まで to mean "just ignore me until you get bored with it and decide to extend an olive branch". The image of 落とせ being a drop and 垂らす meaning to dangle or hang, however, gives the impression that something is being given from above. This puts a more literal spin on 落とせ being drop, as if the singer is being metaphorically thrown into a pit that the other person can then 'dangle salvation into', whether it be in the form of a helping hand to pull them out or something like a rope.
Videos
This is the section where I share and discuss some of the videos that exist that involve Fixer.
One of my favorite Vocaloid covers of Fixer. I like how they made a custom video for it. I think they did a good job having Len at a lower range and Kaito at a higher range without making them sound too flat or shrill. Len's voice has some nice emotion it during the 食べきれない苛立ちも line. The part they added where they quietly sang some of the latter lyrics together was also an interesting addition. |
I just noticed that Meychan speedcovered this 2 days after the original song came out. Dedication. Meychan's voice here is powerful but melodic, and he adds some of his own melodies and interjections during the song. |
An excellent Chougakusei cover. This is a lower take on Fixer, relying more on Chougakusei's skill in that area, but I thought it did a good job of conveying emotion. I love the latter part in the song where he 'doubles' his voice; though it was chaotic, it also reflects the state of the singer at that part in the song. |
A solid cover by Ryushen. How stable and even their singing voice is makes for a pleasant listening experience; there is always a balance to be made between emotion and flatness, and I think they sit nicely in the middle. |
A cover that relies on Mafumafu to cover the higher tones and luz to cover the middle ones, taking advantage of their strengths. Definitely a cover that touches more on the emotional aspect of Fixer; both of them sometimes sound like they're yelling or spitting the lyrics in accordance to the strong emotion included in the lyrics. |
First of all, love the original art used for this cover. It feels like the world is crumbling, which is accurate to the song! I think this cover is good at covering the higher tones that the song can be sung in without turning shrill. I like the little additions of Kyo's voice sometimes humming along in the interludes. |
Leona's voice is very clear and crisp here; the enunciation makes it easier to hear the lyrics fully. I found it a very pleasant cover; her voice carried some of the melancholy that is part of the song when singing, especially when the singer feels desperate or hopeless in the lyrics. I also love when people's own characters/avatars are drawn in the Fixer "scene"; that table, in dark and red. |
Another lovely take on custom art and a video for Fixer. I think this is one of the few I know of that tackle a 'lyric video' aspect. Kotone's voice itself is soft and a bit nasally, but not to an unpleasant degree; it gives the song a spunky feeling that other covers don't. |